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Things I Have Learned from the Movies

April 18, 2011

1. When you meet a guy on the road in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, don’t call him “Old Man”.  Ever.

2. When that guy tells you not to touch him again, just don’t.

3. When approaching an apparently deserted old house, don’t walk directly up to the front door.

4. Never invite the vampire into your house.

5. When the guy in the bar says, “I don’t want any trouble,” just walk away.

6. Don’t go into the locked room/dark basement/old barn unless it’s broad daylight.  Chances are, there’s something in there that will kill you in an unpleasant way.

7. When the pretty girl offers you a drink unexpectedly, don’t take it.  You might end up married.

8. Never unleash the Kraken.

9. Never expect that the guy you just beat up will stay down.

10. Don’t overestimate the power of prophecy.

11. Gifts from the gods are almost always a trap.

12.  They mostly come at night…mostly.

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